To me, 70% portion in the word life belongs to friendship. Well, you can say that I am trying to be a dedicated friend. And eventhough I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember, I will not gonna regret the time that I might missed simply because I put my friendship above all odds. I love my friends, with all my heart.
Lately, I live my life differently. I used to be very controlled and introvert but lately, life have sucessfully bring the other part of me. The more relaxed, goofy, and definitely a louder version of myself.
Changes is never bad. Although I don’t know whether this version of me will help me to get things I want, things which normal people want. You know what? sometimes even when I already moved on from my past dissapointments, rejections, and unacknowledgment, I still crumble once in a while. Its like, those things keep telling me that I rather unwanted. Eventhough I’ve kinda changed on the outside, the inside part of me will not gonna stop shouting, telling that I am an outsider and I should have not be needy, wanting the same glorious thing that the majority of people in this earth are getting.
By saying that,am not gonna say that I’ve been putting a mask on just to be able to get accepted. But I do put on a mask everytime someone intentionally/unintetionally hurt me verbally just not express that he/she said things that is rude to me. Its just I hate drama. Though I’ll surely remember everything.
Feeling is what I keep inside, only to myself. For the sake of the people I truly care about.
Lately, seeing life in my perspective easily piss me off. Its not like I’ve lost my magic to get everything right, but knowing that my perspective isn’t actually current anymore, I still, have to think that I have to make it work.
Luckily there are friends who simply love me the way I am and I guess that’s what I need. Simplicity. They say that life is simple but from what I know and my experience so far lead me to a different point of view. Or maybe, “life is simple” are just a mere quote that actually can’t dictate people because life is obviously NOT simple.
There are another quote that I think is ineffective. One of it is, “money can’t buy happines”. Well I personally think money certainly can bring you happiness to a certain level. Its us, human who can’t appreciate the power that money can bring and keep asking for more. You can be happy if you buy the right thing. Not the thing you need but the thing you want. Yes, I like to think that what can make you happy is being indulged in certain things you want because what people “need” will eventually bore you out later.
You need to do this, and that, buy this and that, the items that you don’t like yet you gotta have it anyway. Its boring no?
Sometimes I’d like to think that, what if words are just words. What people say is right actually isn’t. That’s the main reason why I have to stick with my perspective. So that I don’t lose my traces, my thoughts, and my very own core.
Kneeling down on resting purpose, don’t kneel down so fast, it might hurt your knees.
So I took out some homemade mitten that some One gave to me 21 years ago and said,
Suddenly my hunger roses to a level that I can’t endure. Don’t eat hastily, you’ll get a stomacache.
So I took out some holy water for soothing my stomach and prevent it from pain and said,
When I realize that I finally full, I feel lonely like hell.
You need to socialize, or you’ll feel lonely.
Then I took an envelope and a piece of paper to tell the others how I feel and said,
FRIENDS AND FAMILY
Though I got through all those phrases I feel even more uneasy.
Oh! don’t forget the to sing-a-long song with someone.
I search it everywhere that I could barely reach but somehow that lyric is nowhere to be found and I said
LIFE should be on top of this note you fool.
High oh high up up and away.
Liberation makes me feel uneasy these days…
But I do enjoy the view that I have up here
the higher I fly the better view I’ll get.
And if I’m lucky, sooner or later you guys might find me dancing on the Cirrostratus.
With a little bit of waltz and bossa. im setting “free will” at my autopilot.
not ready to go, enjoying the blurry scenery yet manipulating the open fraid neatly.
I’m on my way. But this view keep whispering my ear and soul to stay as long as I could be
and I love this oasis of mine.
Because it love me that much I’m starting to feel that this is the place where I belong.
I’m going to cherish it.
Live it to the fullest. At the Cirrostratus
and the hell with the people below me.
They will keep bugin me away and keep trying to pull me down.
I’m happy here and I will show that.